cabbage n. Girls; totty (qv). As in "I'm looking forward to going out this evening. I hope to get some cabbage".
cable laying euph. To excre solid stools. As opposed to crop spraying (qv).
Cadbury Alley n. See Bourneville Boulevard.
cajooblies n. See oomlaaters.
camel's foot n. Of leggings and tight jeans, those folds generate in a ladies crotch when they an pulled up too tightly. See also Twix lips.
can US n. Bottom.
Captain's Pie n. 1. Hairy pie; haddock pastie (qv). 2. Of ship's catering, that pie which belongs to the captain.
carnival knowledge n. Latin phrase meaning to have intimidate relations with. As in: "Have you had carnival knowledge with your wife within the last two weeks?"
carpenter's dream euph. Sexually promiscuous woman. As in: "Flat as a board, and easy to screw".
carpet duster n. A dense, heavier-than-air fart which forms a thin layer over the whole carpet.
carpet muncher euph. One who eats hairy pie (qv). Nothing to do with pillow biting.
carrotmuncherNEW euph, Someone who likes to munch on carrots i.e. cocks, dicks, etc..... Also prone to partaking in vegetarian activities.
Casanova's rubber sock n. Condom; blob (qv).
casting Churchill's reflection v. A political impression involving a porcelain bowl with water in the bottom, your arse and a bum cigar.
cauliflower euph. Sex. e.g. "I fancy doing a bit of cauliflower'. From 18th C. slang for vagina.
cavalier n. Uncircumcised penis.
Chalfonts rhym. slang Haemorrhoids. As in: Chalfont St. Giles - piles.
champagne corks n. Bullet-hard nipples that pop out of the tit pants (qv) with enough force to take your eye out.
channel tunnel funnelNEW n, Descriptive term for a very large chocolate eye.
chapel hat pegs simile used describe large, erect nipples. A in: "Phoarr! She had nipples like chapel hat pegs'. Also pygmies cocks.
Charlie Dimmock's nipple euph. Term used by vicars to describe the hat-pegs in their chapels.
Charlies n. 70s Tits; breasts.
charms n. In British tabloid journalism, the breasts.
chebs n. Tits; breasts.
check the roast v. To see if what you've been baking (qv) is ready to come out. To have a shit.
cheese See knob-cheese.
cheese ridge n. The fertile area of the penis where knob cheese (qv) is cultivated. Also banjo (qv).
cheesey wheelbarrow n. The penis, as it might appear while being pushed by an uphill gardener (qv).
chichis Mexican n. Tits; breasts.
Chinese tool n. A feeble penis, ie hardly up to the job in hand.
choad n. Cock; Knob.
chocolate chimney sweep euph. He who applies his purple headed womb broom (qv) to dirtier duties.
chocolate eclair n. A Cleveland steamer (qv).
chocolate eye n. Bumhole.
chocolate snail's trailNEW n. The sticky brown trail left by the turtle headed snail
chocolate speedway n. Bumhole; poop chute. Also chocolate whizzway.
chocolate speedway rider n. Botter (qv).
chocolate sandwich n. A sexual act performed in the presence of Arthur Lowe, involving a black man and two white lady strippers.
chocolate starfish n. See chocolate eye, speedway, etc.
choke the chicken euph. See bash the bishop; burp the worm.
chooza n. NZ. see choad (qv).
choozies Aus. n. Tits; breasts.
chopper n. Penis. As in: 'That Andy Cole couldn't score in a brothel with a £50 note wrapped round his chopper'.
chubblies n. A fat woman's choozies (qv).
chuck your muck euph. To drain one's spuds; ejaculate.
chuckles n. Balls.
chuff 1. v. To pass wind; shoot a bunny rabbit. e.g. "Oops! Best open a window vicar. I believe I've just chuffed". 2. n. Vagina; ladies front bottom.
chuff chowder n. A pungent soup served as a first course when dining at the Y, hopefully without croutons.
chuff mountain EEC n. Surplus of woman guests at a party.
chuff muncher n. A woman in comfortable shoes (qv).
chuffle plug n. Tampon.
chug v. Choke the chicken; spank the monkey; burp the worm.
chugnuts n. Extremely big piles. "A cushion, Mrs. Bennet, a cushion! I fear the frivolities at Lady Marchmain's ball has brought down my chugnuts no end." (from 'Pride and Prejudice' by Jane Austen).
chumbawumbas n. A rather predictable use of a pop group's name as slang for breasts. Also Bananaramas (penises), Wurzels (testicles) and BeeGees (hairy twats).
chumblies n. medic. Nuts; knackers.
chunder v. To produce a pavement pizza (qv); barf (qv).
churns 1. n. Breasts. 2. n. Testicles. 3. n. Seemingly any vessel containing white fluid.
chutney farmer euph. A man who rears chocolate starfish (qv); botter (qv). Also chutney ferret.
chutney locker n. Rectum.
cider visor n. Beer goggles for the younger street drinker.
cigar butts n. JCB starter buttons; Bruce Lees (qv).
circlejerk n. A shared round of hand shandies (qv).
clabby adj. Exceptionally pink. Used to describe bacon strips (qv).
clagnuts n. Dangleberries (qv). Also tagnuts.
clapping fish n. Female genitalia.
clam jousting n. A sexual encounter between lesbians. Also Velcro fastening.
clam smacker n. A lesbian.
clarts n. Tacky excrement, such as would cling to the lavatory bowl above the water level rather than slip into the water.
clear-cut NEW euph, A particularly violent bout of logging.
clear the custard euph. To have a long overdue wank. e.g. "Ooooooh I've got balls like boulders. I'd better nip upstairs and clear the custard'.
Cleveland steamer 1. n. A merchant cargo vessel operating on Lake Erie. 2. euph. A sexual act, much favoured by Germans, that doesn't bear thinking about. See chocolate éclair.
climb on v. The culmination of a romantic evening. "Lavinia was powerless to resist. His eyes burned into hers like sapphires. His strong arms enfolded her tender body as she felt herself being swept away in a whirlwind of passion. Then he dropped his trollies and climbed on." (from 'The Lady and the Gentleman' by Catherine Cookson).
clinkers Aus. n. Difficult to remove poo particles; winnits; kling-ons.
cliterature n. One handed reading matter.
clock-weights n. Large, metal, adjustable testicles.
close-up pink n. Anatomically explicit cliterature.
clout 1. n. Clunge (qv). 2. n. prop. South African lesbian rock band.
cloven hoof n. Camels's foot; camel's mouth. In fact, any part of a camel.
clown's hat n. A bald man in a boat; a clematis.
cludgie n. Shithouse (qv); lavatory; thunder box.
clunge n. A clout (qv); a furry hoop.
clusterfuck n. A regrettable situation of immense idiocy.
coat hangers n. Large erect nipples.
cobs n. Nads; pills; pods. Testicles.
cock-a-fanny v. The act of hiding one's wedding tackle between one's legs to give the appearance of having female genitalia. Popularised by Captain Sensible and East German shot-putters of the 70's.
cockoholic n. One who is addicted to cockohol.
cockfest n. An artistic, low-budget film, usually in German, with little plot but with lots of skin clad tube (qv).
cock-knocker n. A gentleman who banks at the back door.
cocknuckle n. The sixth knuckle, always at the top of the deck in a five knuckle shuffle.
cock-rot n. medic. Venereal disease; a dose.
coco sombrero n. Mexican variation of brown hat.
cocoa-pops n. Winnits, known briefly as Choco-Krispies.
coilus interruptus n. Cath. Lat. Method employed by God to prevent the birth of Meatloaf's daughter (qv) whereby the Jehovah's Witnesses ring the doorbell just as you are laying the foundations of a log cabin.
combustofiatulation n. The highly dangerous act of flame throwing with one's trouser trumpet.
concrete donkey n. See horse's handbrake.
conkers See hairy conkers.
conkers deep adj. To be in a state of total intromission. "Titania was powerless to resist. His eyes burned into hers like sapphires. His strong arms enfolded her tender body as she felt herself being swept away in a whirlwind of passion. Within seconds he was conkers deep." (from 'The Lady and the Officer', by Catherine Cookson).
Constable n. A roughly shaven minge.
cooter 1. n. prop. US. A character from 'The Dukes of Hazard'. 2. n. The visible contents of Daisy Duke's shorts in 'The Dukes of Hazard'.
cooter cutters n. US. The type of shorts worn by visible contents of Daisy Duke in 'The Dukes of Hazard'.
copper bolt v. A solid stool.
cornbeef sandwich n. The contents of Daisy Duke's lunchbox.
corybungo n. Arse; backside.
costume drama n. The frantic behaviour of a woman who cannot decide what to wear for a party. See also period drama.
cottage v. To go house hunting on Bourneville Boulevard (qv), looking for something a bit more solid than a log cabin (qv).
cotton pony n. A fanny mouse, not to be confused with a fanny rat.
council gritter rhyming slang rhyming slang rhyming slang rhyming slang Arsehole; dirtbox, Council gritter - shitter. As in: "Watch that one. I hear he takes it up the council gritter'. Also Gary Glitter.
cough your filthy yoghurt v. A romantic expression for ejaculation. A money shot (qv). "Ursula was powerless to resist. His eyes burned into hers like sapphires. His strong arms enfolded her tender body as she felt herself being swept away in a whirlwind of passion. Then he dropped his trollies and coughed his filthy yoghurt". (from 'The Gentleman and the Lady', by Catherine Cookson).
Covent Garden nun n. A fuckstress; a Fulham virgin. A prostitute.
crab ladder n. Penis.
crafty butcher n. A male homosexual, ie. a man who likes to take his meat around the back.
cranberry dip n. A special recipe for hairy pie (qv) available only during rag week (qv).
crapper n. Lavatory. From the German inventor of the self-cleaning water closet, Thomas Shitehousen.
cream v. To ejaculate.
crescent wank n. To arrange one's favourite jazz periodicals in a half moon display, before kneeling down to perform a five finger exercise on the spunk trumpet.
crouton n. An erection; bone.
crop spraying euph. To have diarrhoea. As opposed to cable laying (qv). For example, a doctor may enquire: "So; how's your old Gary Glitter? Have you been cable laying or crop spraying"
crunchie 1. n. A tasty confectionery snack. 2. n. A sock worn the morning after being used as a wank mop the night before.
cuffing the dummy v. US. mil. Wanking. See scrubbing the cook.
cum chugger n. A bird who enjoys guzzling spadge (qv).
cumulo nimbus n. The posh Latin term for oral sex; the stimulation of the clematis.
cunt bubble 1. n. An air lock up the fanny, often leading to a minge burp. 2. interj. Something Paul Whicker says when punching the bishop (as opposed to bashing the bishop).
cunt guff n. The dropping forwards of a lady's hat. A fanny fart.
cunt scratchers n. Wanking spanners. Humorous term for hands.
cuntstubble n. A policewoman who shaves her genitals. See also constable.
cunty booby adj. To be in a state of confusion. "I don't pretend to understand the Universe - when I start thinking about it I go all cunty booby, me." (from 'Latter day Pamphlets, No 6', by Thomas Carlyle).
cupcake n. A small quantity of fart-gas caught in the palm of the hands and then deposited in a person's face.
curl one off v. To carefully deliver a stool. - curler n. A lump of excrement so delivered, Also crimp off a length naval slang.
cut the cheese euph. To fart.