gammon and pineapple n. See ham-on-ham.
gammon flaps See beef curtains. Also gammon goal-posts.
gap-lapper n. A three-wheeled trike. Or possibly one who runs circuits around a jumper shop.
garboon n. See snurge.
Gary Glitter rhym. slang Arse. From Gary Glitter - shitter. See also council gritter.
gash n. Vagina. Conveniently rhymes with "Hoy, giz a flash of your..."
gazoo n. Arse; bum.
gazungas n. Large breasts.
geetle n. A bumbob. The little pointed bit that hangs outside your rusty sheriff's badge after you've had a Gladys (qv),
geezerbird n. Gadgy woman; half-a-gadge. A butch looking woman.
gender bender n. Effeminate, flowery male of varying or obscure sexual orientation e.g. Marc Almond out of Soft Cell.
genie rub n. TO buff up a skin lantern until you are granted three sticky wishes.
get off at Edge Hill euph. Coitus interruptus; withdrawal before ejaculation. (Edge Hill is the last station before Liverpool Lime Street.) Aus. get off at Redfern. Scot. Paisley. Lond. Clapham. Newcastle Gateshead etc.
get up them stairs The cry from a chauvinist male to his wife which indicates that he has finished eating, drinking and watching football on telly, and now wishes to retire, to the bedroom to make an ungainly and flatulent attempt at sexual intercourse.
get wood v. To achieve an erection. As in: "Sorry love, I'm having trouble getting wood". Also get string.
Ghandi's flip-flops adj. Descriptive of the dryness of a nun's Berkeley hunt.
ghost jizz n. The non-existent result of a flash in the pan (qv). A map of Atlantis.
ghost shit n. A stool or dump of which there is no trace when you stand up and turn round to admire it.
giblets n. A club sandwich; a ragmans coat (qv).
gick Eire n. Shit.
gimp n. One who likes rubber-wear.
ginger beer rhym. slang Queer.
gipper n. A two-bagger (qv). An ugly woman.
Gladys rhym. slang. To defecate. From Gladys Knight - shite.
globes n. Lamp-bulb shaped oomlaaters (qv). Also ~ of joy.
go all the way to Cockfosters v. To have a full portion of greens, with plenty of summer cabbage. As in "I thought I'd have to go home via the Billy Mill roundabout, but she took me all the way to Cockfosters."
go commando v. To freeball. To go out undercrackerless.
gobble interj. A noise made by turkeys.
gobbler n. An eager fellator / fellatrix.
gobshite n. Someone prone to uttering verbal inaccuracies; bullshitter.
golden shower euph. A vile sex act; unfortunate mix-up in a crowded German bathroom.
gold watch n. A small clock or chronometer, made of precious metal which leaps from the throat after a cough. Also docker's omelette (qv); greb; shekel; prairie oyster.
golfball arse adj. Condition of the buttocks after sitting too long on a beaded car seat on a bank holiday.
golf tees n. Bruce Lees (qv).
gonga n. A docker's omelette (qv) that occasionally has to be swallowed rather than served up.
goolies n. The colloquialism for testicles least likely to offend a vicar or grandparent.
gorblimey n. A type of trousers popular among council tenants in the 1950s.
granny's oysters n. Elderly female genitalia.
grassy knoll 1. n. Site where the second gunman stood during the assassination of J.F.Kennedy. 2. euph. Ladygarden (qv).
geasebox n. A quim.
Greek sauna See Dutch oven.
greyhound n. A very short skirt, ie. only one inch from the 'hare'.
Grimsby meal n. An unpleasant northern fish supper.
grin like a wanking Jap sim. To grin broadly, as a Nissan executive might do as he turned (even more) Japanese (qv) as he neared the vinegar strokes (qv) on his approach to the Billy Mill roundabout (qv).
grogan n. 1. A log; turd. 2. A cute wee Scotch lassie with a twee voice.
gronk n. R.A.F. To have a shit. "'Bandits at three O'clock,' ejaculated Algie. 'Great!' replied Biggles. 'I've got half an hour to have a big smelly gronk!'" (from 'Biggles Drops his Fudge' by Capt. W.E. Johns).
groodies, grudies n. Lady's top bollocks. (from 'A Clockwork Orange').
grow a tail v. To defecate; build a log cabin (qv).
grub See biffin.
grummer abbr. Grumblemag; adult art pamphlet, found torn up under hedges by 12-year-old schoolboys.
grundle US n. Barse (qv).
grunts n. The type of undesirable bints (qv) who appear in reader's wives pages.
guard's van n. Of pulling a train (qv), the least desirable position in the queue. As in: "Bagsy I'm not in the guard's van fellas".
gubbs n. Thruppenny bits.
guff v. To fart; let off.
guff cloud n. The noxious vapour produced by guffing.
gunt n. Can. Of the larger woman, when the gut and cunt become one indistinguishable bulge below the belt. A superpoond.
guru palm and the five pillars of wisdom n. A wanking spanner; a cunt scratcher (qv).
gusset 1. n. The 'bottom-of-the-pants' area of a woman; the fairy hammock's drip tray. 2. coll. n. Flange; totty; fanny; blart. As in, "I went up town last night and you couldn't get moved for top end gusset."
gusset typist euph. A woman who masturbates.
gusset nuzzler euph. Lesbian.
gutted hamster, gutted possum, gutted rabbit n. See giblets.
guy-rope n. A banjo. The flap of skin connecting the fly-sheet (qv) to the trouser tent pole.
gwibble n. A dribbly underpowered ejaculation, opposite of pwa.