lab kebab abbr. Labia kebab; fish mitten (qv); vertical bacon sandwich etc.
labia lard See fanny batter.
ladyboy n. Ornith. A confusing species of cock bird with female plumage and tits. A chickboy. Native to Bangkok and Iggy Pop's hotel room.
ladygarden n. A fertile patch where a downhill gardener plants his seeds.
lady's low toupee n. A merkin; a cunt rug. An all-weather ladygarden (qv).
Lake Wendouree Aus. euph. Ejaculation, e,g. "Oh my God... Uuughh! I'm in Lake Wendouree!" From the lake at Ballarat (qv) Australia.
langball n. A type of dangleberry (qv) which attaches itself to John Wayne's hairy saddlebags (qv).
langer n. Penis; whanger (qv).
lamb cannon euph. An arms development dating somewhere between the pork sword (qv) and the bacon bazooka (qv).
lapper n. A musician who plays the pink oboe (qv) a hairy pie eater (qv).
lashings of ultra violetNEW euph, To have sex.
lavender See whiff of lavender.
lay a cable euph. Build a log cabin (qv). See also cable laying.
lead the llama to the lift shaft euph. Sexual intercourse.
left-handed batsman euph. Someone who prefers his balls delivered from the pavilion end.
left-handed website euph. An internet website specialising in cyberscud, causing visitors to use the mouse with the left hand.
Leo Sayer rhym. slang All dayer. Bender; prolonged drinking spree; all day party.
lepidopterist n. Person who collects butterflies e.g. Val Doonican.
lettuce n. Female genitalia.
lever arches rhym. slang. Haemorroids. From lever arch files - Chalfonts.
lick out 1. v. That which is done by a small child to a bowl of cake mix. 2. v. That which is done by a mustachioed porn star to a haddock pastie.
lick-twat n. prop. One who has the gift of tongues. A cumulonimbulist.
lickalotopus n. Latin name for a tuppence licker (qv) of pre-historic reptilian proportions.
lid n. Bit above the brim (qv).
lils n. Tits.
liquid laughter n. Puke.
Little Ben n. A small Big Ben (qv).
load 1. n. 1996 Metallica album. 2. n. Quantity of cock-hockle blown, chucked or shot at the point of orgasm. 3. n. That which is shed by a lorry driver, whilst wanking in a layby.
log NEW n, A stool or shit. As in, "fuck I've just laid a steamy log, wouldn't go in there for a bit"
logging NEW v, The act of creating logs, to defecate.
log cabin See build a log cabin.
loon pipe n. Anus.
loose at the hilt adj. To have diarrhoea; crop spray (qv).
loose-lips adj. Affectionate description of a woman who has been cocked more times than Davy Crockett's rifle.
loose shunting v. A dog's marriage (qv) with a clown's pocket.
Lord of the Pies euph. A salad dodger (qv); a barge-arse (qv); a double sucker eg. Danny Baker.
lose your mess euph. Ejaculate; to shoot ones load (qv).
lotties n. Breasts.
love puff euph. Gentle, lady-like fanny burp.
love spuds euph. A root vegetable found in the shreddies (qv); knackers.
love torpedo n. boastful Penis. As in: "I sank her bacon battleship with my love torpedo". Also love truncheon.
L.R.F. abbr. Low Resolution Fox - a female who. appears to be attractive from a long distance, but is in fact unbelievably ugly close up.
lucky Pierre n. In botting (qv), the busiest botter in a three man bum chain (qv); the filling in a shirt lifter sandwich.
lumber-Jill n. A hatchet-faced woman that fells your wood.
lunch box n. In British tabloid journalism, that bulge which appears in athlete Linford Christie's shorts; a penis.
lunchbox lancer n. archaic Medieval term for a coco shunter (qv). First used by King Arthur to describe the French army. He wrote: "Fear not the French, for their knights are without heart, and their King without wisdom. But keep thine backs as to the wall, for amongst their number thou shalt find more than a few lunchbox lancers, I can tell you".
lung warts euph. Stits (qv); fried eggs. See Parisian breasts.
lychees n. A more exotic alternative to plums (qv)