mackerel n. Pimp. (Unusually, a fish word not referring to the vagina).
mad as a lorry adj. About as radge (qv) as it is possible to be.
Madam Palm and her five sisters euph. Wanking. As in: "I'm just off to bed with Madam Palm and her five sisters".
mammary dandruff n. Morning-after residue left by a pearl necklace (qv).
manfat n. Semen. Also man's milk
mapatasi (ma-pa-ta-zee) euph. Aus. Minge. As in: "Show us yer mapatasi, Sheila". abbr. Map of Tasmania. From the similarity in shape of said island to a muff.
map of Africa n. The unfortunate stain left on the bed sheet and often the mattress below after a sexual exchange of bodily fluids.
marge n. A loose woman. From margarine -`spreads easily'.
margold n. The ability to do 5 pop shots (qv) in two hours. To do a margold. After the US porn actor Bill Margold.
maribou stork euph. A fixed bayonet; the old Adam. A bone-on.
Marmite motorway n. Anus; arsehole; back passage.
Marmite driller euph. See brownpipe engineer.
Mary Hinge n. Spooneristic biffer (qv).
mash v. To fondle a lady's baps in a very eager fashion, as if testing them to destruction.
me pn. Personal pronoun used at the end of a sentence to emphasise preference. "For all these wenches are beauteous fair, and I doth admire them all, me." (from 'Act III, Scene 2 of 'Romeo and Juliet,' by William Shakespeare).
meat and two veg. euph. Penis and testicles; wedding tackle.
meat market euph. Bar or club heaving with totty (qv).
meat seeking pissile euph. Penis; love torpedo.
Meatloaf's daughter euph. See dreadnought.
Melbourne n. A soft cock.
melon-farmer exclm. The BBC authorised, poorly dubbed version of "Motherfucker" used in films such as 'Die Hard' and the entire 'Beverly Hills Cop' series. Also ever-loving.
menage a une Fr. euph. A one-in-a-bed romp. To have a wank.
Mexican lipstick n. Pasata grin (qv). The embarrassing facial tide marks often found after eating out with a lady who was up on blocks (qv).
men in the rigging n. Nav. Small tagnuts trapped in the hairs of sailors' arses. "Six months since leaving Tahiti and no sign of land. We ate the last of the bread ' fruit weeks ago. Water and toilet paper strictly rationed. Crew growing restless, complaining of scrofula, scurvy and men in the rigging. Lord help us." (from 'The Diary of Fletcher Christian', entry dated 12th November, 1760).
mess n. Semen; gunk; cock hockle. See also lose your mess.
milfNEW n. Mother I'd Like to Fuck.
milk the cow with one udder euph. To be the only hand in the farmyard area; to fight the last turkey in the shop.
milkman euph. affectionate Penis; pork sword.
mince medallions n. See dangleberries.
ming Scotch v. To emit a foul smell. As in: "Christ, it's minging in here!"
minging n. Awful. As in: "Peter Beardsley's haircut was minging".
minge winker euph. Strip tease artist.
milm v. To cover something in jism. As in, "0y, mum, I've milmed me kex."
Ming the merciless euph. Death by chocolate starfish (qv); a beefy eggo. An exceptionally foul smelling fart.
mini series 1. euph. A troublesome log that requires several flushes to see it off. 2. n. A pile of shite starring Jane Seymour.
minky 1. n. A French monkey. 2. n. A species of whale. 3. n. A hornbag (qv). An attractive female.
minnie moo n. Minge.
Mobe euph. Abbreviation of Moby Dick. An epic turd, longer than a mini series (qv), which may require harpooning with the lavatory brush to see it off.
mohair knickers euph. A large minnie moo.
money shot n. The scene in a pornographic film where the leading man makes a small deposit from Kojak's moneybox (qv), usually over the leading lady's stomach. A pop-shot.
monkey n. Vagina. As in: "Does the monkey want a banana?"
monkey bath n. A bath so hot that on lowering yourself in you go "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!"
Montezuma's revenge n. Diarrhoea; Tijuana cha-cha (qv).
mooey n. A sausage wallet.
moon v. A rugby move, where the prop forward sprints around the defending back four to the rear of the bus and presses his naked arse up to the back window.
moss cottage n. John Thomas's ideal home; minge.
Mr. Brown is at the window euph. To have the turtle's head. First used by Queen Victoria. "Pray forgive us, Mr. Gladstone, but we cannot receive you at the moment. Mr. Brown is at the window, and we fear we may papper our kex."
muck n. Mess (qv). As in "Shoot your muck"
muck savage n. A bumpkin; a buffle; a cabbagehead. See joskin.
muck spreader n. Arse; bum.
mud n. Excrement.
muddy funster n. Botter (qv).
mudeye n. Arse; ringpiece; your old fashioned plastic tea towel holder.
muff 1. n. Minge; fanny. 2. v. To shag; have intercourse with. 3. v. To miss an easy goal scoring opportunity, e.g. "Andy Cole has muffed it."
muff diver n. A footballer who misses easy goal scoring opportunities, then falls over in an attempt to win a penalty kick.
muff nudge n. The light brushing of your favourite female hairdresser's waist against your elbows while she leans forward to cut your hair.
muffle v. The female equivalent of zuffle.
mullet n. That strange haircut favoured by country and western singers and eighties footballers.
mumbas n. onomat. If oomlaaters (qv) made a noise, they would say "mumbas" in a deep, fruity baritone.
mumblers n. Tight women's bicycle shorts through which you can 'see the lips moving` but can't understand a word. See also Twix lips, camel's foot, hungry arse.
mumph onamat. See flub.
mumrar n. The act of sneaking up behind your mother and shouting "RAR!!!!"
mung n. A particularly runny type of arse feta (qv).
musslemuncher n, A Loose Lady.
mustang n. Of shitty arses, that stubborn dangleberry (qv) which cannot he shaken off.
mutton musket euph. A smaller more portable field weapon than the lamb cannon. Also mutton bayonet, mutton dagger.
mutt's nuts adj. (Superlative of good) Variation of dog's bollocks.