saddle bags n. 1. Labia; piss flaps. 2. Scrotum. As in John Wayne's hairy saddlebags.
salad dodger euph. A contumelious epithet for a fat bastard. One who at a buffet sidesteps the lettuce and celery and heads straight for the pork pies. "'Contrarywise,' continued Tweedledee, 'if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be: but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.' 'That's not logic, that's bollocks, you salad dodger,' replied Alice." (from 'Through the Looking Glass', by Lewis Carroll).
salami slapper n. One who tolls upon their own bell end (qv); a wanker.
salmon canyon n. The area beyond the beef curtains (qv); that boat crewed by the bald man (qv); fanny.
satiscraptory adj. Descriptive of something of a poor, but adequate standard. eg. BBC local radio, McDonalds food.
sausage jockey n. Anyone who sits on a sausage and bounces up and down. homophobic Botter.
sausage sandwich n. A juicy salami slipped between two pink baps, the end result of which is a pearl necklace (qv).
SBD abbr. Silent but deadly. A subtle release of pungent botty gas. Also silent but violent.
scads n. Kicksies; dung hampers (qv), thunderbags. Underpants.
scoobysnack n. Oral sex involving a dog and a very tall sandwich.
scrubbing the cook euph. US. Bashing the bishop.
scruff n. Pornography; muck. Also scruff-mag, scruffy literature. "Look what I've got," said William. breathlessly as he emptied the contents of his jumper at the Outlaws' feet. "It's a load of scruff. Jumble found it under a hedge." (from 'William's Milk Race', by Richmal Crompton).
scrunt n. coll. Blart; flange; gusset. A group of attractive women. "Suddenly, at the age of 25, the Prince was cast as the world's most eligible bachelor. On a Royal tour of New Zealand in 1973, he found himself having to batter off top end scrunt with a shitty stick." (from 'HRH. The Prince of Wales', by Jim-Bob Dimbleby).
scuffer n. A cozzer; a rozzer, a tithead; a filth.
scumbag n. The ultimate term of abuse known to Garry Bushell and other tabloid journalists.
sea monster See swamp donkey.
serpent socket euph. That hole with which the one eyed trouser snake (qv) connects.
setting the video n. Sexual position in which the lady is on her knees and elbows, with her arse in the air, tutting.
shaft 1. v. To shag; screw. 2. The penis. 3. The black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks.
shag v. To have sex; to fuck. n. A sexual encounter; a screw.
shagability n. A measurement of how shaggable a person is.
shaggable n. One who has a high degree of shagability.
shagged out n. Exhausted; jiggered; buggered; fucked.
shake the lettuce euph. fem. Girly expression for having a piss.
shaking hands with the unemployed euph. A wrestling bout between Hand Solo and the pink Darth Vadar; wanking.
shaking like a shitting dog sim. A bad attack of the DT's after a night on the sauce.
shampoo the rug euph. To lose one's population paste (qv) on a mapatasi (qv). Often when getting off at Edge Hill (qv).
shave a horse euph. To have a piss; take a leak.
shed n. A large, promiscuous woman; slag. Somewhere to stick your tools.
Sheffield hammer n. A rolled-up newspaper, used to hammer nails into pieces of wood, which can be unrolled before the scuffers (qv) arrive.
Sherman rhym. slang. Masturbate. Sherman tank - wank.
shirt-fly n. A fart-sucker; a brown-noser; a penfold. A 'yes man'. One who is always up the gaffer's arse.
shirt lifter See uphill gardener.
shit a brick 1. interj. Exclamation of surprise. 2. euph. To be scared. See shit your pants.
shiter (shy-tuh) n. Arse; kak cannon. That which shites.
shite house (shyt-howss) n. Outside lavatory.
shit faced n. Arseholed; intoxicated; drunk to excess. As in: 'I saw that Rory McGrath the other night. He was shit faced".
shit locker n. Arse; bomb bay.
shit stabber n. Pork swordsman.
shitter n. 1. Anus; kakpipe. 2. Lavatory.
shit your pants v. To be scared; drop a brick; cake ones kecks.
shoot bunnies posh euph. To fart; pass wind; blow off.
shoot in your boot euph. To be excited. Of Jimi Hendrix, Little Richard said: "Jimi made my big toe shoot right up in my boot".
shoot your load v.. To ejaculate; lose your mess; discharge the porridge gun (qv).
shooting submarines v, To fart in the bathtub.NEW
shoulder boulders n. Large breasts; gazungas.
shreddies n. Undercrackers; kecks; underpants; trolleys.
Sigourney Weaver rhym. slang Beaver; Davey Crockett's hat.
sing sweet violets euph. Airy alternative to building a log cabin (qv); to take a dump.
siphon the python euph. Point Percy (qv) at the porcelain; have a piss.
sixth gear n. Wanking, esp. in a parked car.
sixty-eight n. Oral sex undertaken on the understanding that the favour will be returned. As in "'Ere, give us a sixty-eight and I'll owe you one."
skid marks n. Severe russet gusset (qv); pebble dashing (qv) of the undercrackers.
slap the monkey See bash the bishop.
slash and burn NEW v, To absolutely slaughter the toilet bowl. Often brought about by sudden relief of constipation.
skin boat n. Penis. As in: "I'll take the old skin boat to tuna town". attr. Burgess Meredith.
skin chimney n. A flue that requires regular sweeping with a womb broom. cf. ripped-out fireplace (qv).
skin-clad tube n. A live sausage; a girlometer.
skin flick n. Art house film; blue movie; mamba matinee.
skin flute See fleshy flugelhom, bed flute.
skipper n. A lady's clematis; a love button. From 'man in a boat'.
skull buggery euph. Pugwash; salami sucking.
slapper n. Slag; dirty woman. She who has been a round a bit.
slappertite n. A hunger for loose women. 'Do you fancy a shag, Bill?' 'No thanks, Hillary, I don't want to ruin my slappertite.'
slash n. A piss; wee wee.
slash and burn n. 1. Deforestation technique. 2. A painful symptom of venereal disease.
slime (ss-loym) Aus v. To ejaculate; chuck ones muck. As in: "Hev yer slimed yet Bruce?" "Will yer shat ap Sheila, ya puttin'me orf".
sloppy seconds n. To be towards the back of a train (qv). See also stirring the porridge.
slit n. Blit; fanny; vertical bacon sandwich.
smoke the bald man euph. To light up a salami cigarette. Also smoke the white owl.
smoo n. Austral. A sportsman's gap; a minge.
snail's doorstep n. A clapping fish (qv) that is as wet as an otter's pocket (qv).
snail trail n. Smoo (qv) juice in a lass's well-worn scuns (qv).
snatch mouse n. Tampon.
snedge 1. n. Snow 2. euph. Jism.
snowball v. To blow salami cigarette smoke back into the tobacconists mouth. Sort of thing.
soapy tit wank n. Sausage sandwich (qv) served in the bath or shower.
sock method v. To v. To v. To roll the dice (qv) into a sock in the absence of anything else to roll the dice into. See crunchie, spadger n. Spangle (qv)
sour apple quickstep euph. Suffering from diarrhoea. As in: "Your wife is taking rather a long time in the powder room". "Yes, I'm afraid she's dancing the sour apple quickstep this evening". See also Tijuana cha-cha.
space rocketNEW n, When one defecates in a condom, leaves the product in the freezer overnight, and uses it the next day for sexual penetration of one's significant other.
spadger Aus n. Vagina.
spaff v. To spoff (qv) or spod (qv). "No, no, no, Gunter! Be professional. Spaff on the chest, not in the pussy." (from an unidentified porn film c. 1980).
spam alley n. The ideal venue for spam javelin (qv) throwing.
spam javelin n. Penis.
spam sceptre euph. Penis; pork sword (qv); cock.
spangle 1. n. A sticky, unpleasant mouthful that is most often spat out. 2. euph. Spunk.
spanner n. Not the sharpest tool in the shed. A right fuckwit.
spasm chasm See spam alley.
speak Welsh v. Blow chunks; shout soup. To yoff (qv).
spend tuppence in ha'pennies and farthings euph. To pass loose stools; have diarrhoea.
spice island euph. Stink-hole Bay; Dilberry Creek. A foul smelling archipelago favoured by sailors on their trips around the world. The arsehole.
spider's legs n. Of muffs (qv) rogue pubic hairs which protrude beyond the the knicker line.
spinning plates euph. An old fashioned novelty act in which the performer attempts to keep both of a lady volunteer's nipples erect at the same time.
spit roast n. To be simultaneously skewered at both ends by pork swords (qv); a sausage jockey (qv) who plays a pink oboe (qv) whilst still in the saddle.
splash-back guardNEW euph. To fashion a 'toilet tissue hammock' by creating a layer of Andrex's finest arse-wipe tissue on the top of the water, thus protecting your sheriff's badge from the inevitable 'shloooooop' cold shot up the ring.
splash me boots euph. To have a piss.
splinge n. A particularly lubricious kipper mitten.
split a kipper euph. male To have sex. As in "This lady appears to like me. With luck I may later have the opportunity to split a kipper".
split the beard v. Part the whiskers.
splurry n. See fizzy gravy.
sponge n. Of homosexual relationships, the submissive, feminine partner; the noshee as opposed to the nosher. Usually the thin one. See also stone.
spooge US n. Semen.
spooge stick n. Gut-stick. fuck rod. The cock.
spreadsheet n. Shiny, crinkly toilet paper found in public lavatories which only succeeds in smearing the shit around your arse like a plasterer's float.
sprogdrop n. Pregnancy. As in: "Congratulations. I hear your wife's suffering from sprogdrop".
spunk n. 1. slang Semen. 2. Spirit; pluck. 3. Tinder made from fungus. 4. Aus. Good looking man; dish; hunk.
spunk-drunk adj. Delirious nature brought on by over consumption of root beer
spunk-bucketNEW n, See Spunk Dustbin (below)
spunk dustbin See bucket fanny, box of assorted creams (qv). Also spunk bucket.
spurt your curd euph. Spread your spunk; infect others with your pluck and spirit.
squid wank n. The kind of wank received from a lady inexperienced in the provision of wanks. Descriptive of the distinctive motion of the hand.
squirrel covers n. A lady's dung hampers (qv).
squirts n. The condition also known as the sour apple quick step. Also squitters, squite.
starfish trooper n. An arsetronaut. As in "I lost my arse to a ~"
steak drapes n. Gammon goalposts; beef curtains (qv).
stealth moose n. See LRF.
steg n. Woman resembling a ferocious, spiny, squat, prehistoric dinosaur, abbr. Stegosaurus. See also shed; swamp donkey.
stench trench disaffictionate euph. Fanny.
St. George v. To lance your old dragon from behind. A dog's marriage (qv).
stickman n. A fanny-hopper (qv); a fanny rat.
sticky belly flap cock n. A post wank condition suffered by bishop bashers (qv).
stiff-lock n. A piss-proud (qv) cock.
stiffy n. A bone on; erection.
Stilton muffle n. Pungent and unwashed fish mitten (qv).
stits n.Small tits.
stirring the porridge euph. To have sloppy seconds; to dip into a box of assorted creams (qv).
stoat n. Beaver; hairy clam.
stone n. Of gay men and women, the opposite of a sponge (qv). The dominant partner. And usually no oil painting either.
straightening your hat euph. Raking your kex out the crack of your arse.
strain your greens euph. To have a piss.
strangle Kojak euph. Male masturbation; peeling the carrot; stroking the wookie. See Kojaks roll-neck.
strike up the colliery band v. To v. To v. To produce a protracted trouser cough of a particularly musical timbre.
stringbean n. A long, thin, probably green penis.
stripey laugh n. A parked tiger; a Welsh monologue.
stroke mag n. Top shelf literature; art pamphlet; gentleman's interest magazine.
stunt cock n. In a porno movie, when the leading thespian is unable to sustain wood or provide a money shot (qv); cue the stunt cock, a fat ugly cameraman with a raging boner on a hair trigger.
swamp donkey n. A female bereft of physical beauty; tug boat; boiler; sea monster; steg.
sweet tits n. Affectionate male term of endearment for females. "Good-night, good-night! Parting is such sweet sorrow / That I shall say good-night until it be morrow, sweet tits" (from 'Romeo and Juliet' by William Shakespeare).
swiss adj. Completely useless. As in "I have just seen the new Star Wars film. The special effects are the pants, but the plot itself is fucking swiss." (Jean-luc Godard in 'Cahiers du Cinema').
switch hitter US n. Bisexual; AC/DC; one who bends both ways. Deriv. baseball - the ability to bat with both hands.
swope n. The hairstyle effected by balding men whereby strands of hair on one side of the head are grown long and swept over the dome, giving the impression of a full head of hair. eg. Robert Robinson, Desmond Morris, Bobby Charlton.
sword swallower n. Sword as in the pork variety.